Sucks to be Cleveland

I made a point to tune in last night and watch my favorite NBA team …. which is any team that plays the Miami Heat. Cleveland did its best to boo Lebron James and make signs with humorous acroynms and puns in relation to King James and Witness. Then you look up and the Cavs are down by 30.

One cool thing: I didn’t realize Joey Graham was starting for Cleveland. I lost track of him once he played in Toronto. Meanwhile Jameson Curry is said to still be regretting his decision to leave OSU after his junior year while slipping on his Springfield Armor jersey.

Kermit The Frog pulling a Gus Johnston

Kermit the Frog calling a buzzer beater in some girls high school game.

I’m totally stealing this observation from Barstool Sports. But when I pictured Kermit wearing headphones, sitting next to an awestruck Fozie Bear, tears literally came to my eyes. Let’s hope Gonzo doesn’t fuck up the post-game interview, pull a Jim Gray and ask the girl who hit the shot why she just won’t admit she cheated on her math test that afternoon.

Gundy, Hair: Best in the Big 12

Mike Gundy. Big 12 Coach of the Year. The man who did LESS coaching this year by hiring an offensive coordinator is honored for his coaching. Well done, Mike. Most Poke fans had zero enthusiasm about the 2010 season. And you made it one to remember. To be frank, it wasn’t the best year for your hair. You kept the lettuce tight most of the fall. But you let the gold chain dangle and rocked the pleated pants with the rhinestone belt. So you’re still my fashion hero.

Who voted for Mike Sherman? Texas A&M finished exactly where they were supposed to. (Some people had them winning the Big 12). And he had to bench his Preseason Player of the Year. And he has tits. Give those votes to Gundy. That’s why he doesn’t read the newspaper, Mr. Media. Because its garbage. And the people who voted for Mike Sherman are garbage. Makes him wanna puke.

Some OU fans celebrate a Bedlam win in a different way

Couldn’t figure out how to post this video. But it’s priceless. Miss Shmeco is undoubtedly Sooner Born and Sooner Bred. And fat she’ll die Sooner Dead.

When did Berry Tramel turn into Bea Arthur

Two of the Oklahoman’s finest fellating Kevin Wilson’s gameplan

Inside Mike Gundy’s head … along with stray gel

Given the post-game comments from Mike Gundy after the Bedlam game, he sounds like he knows the 2010 Pokes were lucky to finish 10-2. The whole “we didn’t blow an opportunity but we didn’t take advantage of an opportunity” head game … genius! Gundy knew what he had. And he knew his money maker (Blackmon) was hurt. This is Pollyanna but if you’d have told me before the season began that O-State would finish 10-2 and beat Texas … I’d have offered to buy Coach Gundy all eight seasons of “Walker Texas Ranger” on DVD.

Maybe that’s why an unautographed picture of him is only selling for $2.99 on eBay.

Bedlam Reflections

Reflections from the heart-wrenching, soul-crushing, nut-twisting game from the relatively cheap seats of Boone Pickens Stadium:

-Whoever does Erin Andrews hair deserves a 11X18 mural devoted to him/her at the Vidal Sassoon hair academy or whatever the Hall of Fame is for hair dressers. She’s got to have extensions, right? But who cares? And did you see her chat up all the highway patrol dorks on the sidelines? What a genuine person! Giving a whole new meaning to wielding a baton.
-Big internal laughs from me when – after Burns Hargis’ wife did 3 push-ups after the Cowboys kicked a field goal to make it 7-3 – she was interviewed about some Get Fit Oklahoma promotion. The reporter? Robert Allen. That’s like Strom Thurmond interviewing a civil rights activist.
-The batted ball interception by Brodrick Brown looked better in person. One of the most exceptional plays I’ve ever seen.
-It’d be a waste of internet ink to moan about Oklahoma’s third-down conversion rate. Nothing I can say here would contribute to the conversation. But it was like you couldn’t get excited after a stop for no-gain on first down and an incomplete pass on second down. Because you KNEW the Sooners would pick up the third down. And they seemed to be using OSU’s weapon of choice … finding an underneath receiver in space.
-Brandon Weeden – facing third and long – seemed to check down to the receiver 3 yards down the field way too much.
-The people next to me (thankfully) left after OU went up 33-24. Then these two creeps, who make Todd and Margo in “Christmas Vacation” look like the Clampetts, missed the most exciting fourth quarter of the season. Sure, it was heart-breaking. But that 90+ seconds with four touchdowns was like my prom night: 90 seconds of bliss that prematurely ended with pangs of self-doubt and abject humiliation.

The solace: OSU probably would have lost in the Big 12 title game. Especially with Justin Blackmon dinged up, Brandon Weeden limping around the sidelines and Robert Allen stinking up the team bus on the way to Dallas. But it would have been a fun experience.

Movies cliches vs. sports cliches

Aside from “We’ve got company” and “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” and “You look like shit” (said to the sullen protagonist around the end of Act II), the biggest movie cliche is the Mirror Gag: designed to make an audience jump … never accounting for a character’s inate ability to sense a being (living or dead) in the room. I’ll be honest. I’ve defecated the occassional Underdoo to the Mirror Gag. But it’s becoming as played as “One game at a time …”

So which is worse? Movie cliches? Or sports cliches?

I’ve got to go with sports cliches having once covered sports for a (meager) living. A throng of media funnel into a press room, focus their cameras, wind their handheld recorders, sharpen their pencils, set their phasers to stun … all to hear some coach or player condescend to the entire group and give vague, uninteresting information. Media members will breathlessly transcribe generic and trite observations by said player or coach … not realizing that if they referenced their notes from the previous week, they wouldn’t be much different. Then if said coach or player shows a modicum of humanity in making a joke or self-deprecating remark, the entire media room roars with laughter like a 1982 Richard Pryor is playing Madison Square Garden. If that same remark was said before the press conference, no one would laugh. But since an athlete or coach said it … well, it’s “Blazing Saddles” times infiniti.

Random Thoughts to make up for lack of productivity

-Could T.Boone get his Big 12 Championship before he’s a rotting carcas? You know the old man made a deal with God. That’s the only way a program as cursed as Oklahoma State could be in this position.

God:, “You can have the conference title, but I want the soul of Mike Holder.”
T.Boone: “Deal. He’s probably going to hell anyway. What do you want for a national championship?”
God (chuckles): “Get real. We’re still talking about Oklahoma State, right? You’ll take your Big 12 Title and you’ll like it.” (*unpauses “Glee” from the DVR*)

Of course, instead of reveling in the Cowboys gridiron success, T.Boone is making the media rounds promoting legislation to require cross-country trucks to be powered by natural gas. You want natural gas? (*Author regresses in maturity 15 years, leans over and farts*)

-I’m appreciative that Oklahoma State is frequently on television. But Fox Sports has to work on that ticker. I know I’m watching a Big 12 game. But I don’t need to see the Kansas State-Iowa State score 37 times in five minutes. There’s a slim chance I might be interested in some other scores around the country. I have diaper money running on the Holy Cross over/under.

-Two things I’ve been correct about this season: Jerrod Johnson was over-rated. And Oklahoma State would be much better than pundits (a name that’s never used affectionately for some reason) said they’d be.

-This column by Dave Sittler is one of the best things I’ve read in awhile. In terms of interesting information. These comments by Gundy explain so much as to why he didn’t insert Brandon Weeden into the Bedlam game, despite the fact that Zac Robinson was playing like the wheelchair kid in “Glee.” (*that’s twice I’ve admitted my gayness*). If OSU wasn’t having such a good season and Gundy wasn’t in line to be Big 12 Coach of the Year, I’d be pretty pissed about that move. The Cowboys could have had a chance in the 09 Bedlam game if they’d had ANY offensive attack. And a spot in the Fiesta Bowl. But Gundy kept an injured Robinson in the game because he didn’t like the way Weeden practiced. Despite the fact the 27-year-old (*did you know that Weeden is older than his peers? I just heard!*) could throw a 15-yard-out better than 50% of NFL quarterbacks. Just saying.

-Oklahoma State is a 22-point favorite at Kansas. If I hadn’t lost my shirt and diaper money last week, I’d probably take the Jayhawks. But then again, the Pokes have proved Vegas wrong in every game this year except Troy and Nebraska.

OSU baseball team being vaguely annoying

I’m not sure what to make of this video so I’ll just post it. It’s not like I’m contributing much else in terms of discourse in the massive butthole that is the blogosphere.

I feel like the less I blog about the OSU football team the better they play so … thanks.