Robert Allen in his salad days. Literally

It’ll be hard to not have a good weekend after watching this video of OSU sideline reporter Robert Allen in the big boy chair, dropping puns and raising strategic eyebrows in a story on Bedlam baseball. The tight tie knot. The Kramer hair. Pure television gold.

And he references the Big 8. What’s that? Was that when Barry Switzer smoked on the sidelines?

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Pros & Cons of Gundy’s First Five Years

I got caught up in a “Twilight” marathon and didn’t get to opine on the Tulsa World’s analysis of Mike Gundy’s first five year wearing the gold chain and whistle.

It brought back some good memories (Gundy’s braces) and some bad memories (Chris Collins and his affection for ‘tweens) and some ugly memories (Prentiss Elliott wasting his massive amount of talent).

The only thing I took issue with was the Good and the Bad column. The World listed the 2007 rant under bad. But, in hindsight, I don’t see how that negatively affected the program. Gundy instantly became a household name with sports fans from coast to coast. And no publicity in the 21st century is bad publicity (see: Situation, The for examples). Plus, Gundy and his assistants have mentioned that the rant helped recruiting. Mammas now trust Gundy with their babies. Especially the ones that feed chicken to their babies. And who knows how many four-and-five star recruits in the last three chose Oklahoma State – with all things being equal – because they know Gundy sticks up for his players.

So Tulsa World, get your facts straight. Makes me wanna puke.

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Klein: Anything can happen. Or anything could not. Where’s my Furrs gift card?

Tulsa World scribe John Klein continues his drive by coverage of Oklahoma sports by opining on the Tulsa Shock. Klein has spent the last week giving uninformed, generic opinions on each state football team. Just dropping by like your grandpa going through your bedroom. “Get rid of that poster. It’s filth. And it stinks in here.” (pulls pants higher just below his tits) “Eat your vegetables.” Then goes into the den and takes a nap and you don’t hear from him again in weeks.

Now he goes all Bob Woodward and, after chatting with Deep Throat (Sherri Coale), unveils the problems that plagued the Shock’s inaugural season.

Here’s John Klein’s take on the Tulsa Shock and the prospects for a bright future: They need more talent.

Then he drops this in the middle of the column.

The Shock hopes to use the offseason to raise this franchise from the bottom of the league to the top. (ed note: what else would they do in the offseason)

Impossible? Probably not. Likely? Well, that could be debated. (ed note: by who? Andy Rooney?)

The Shock recently completed its first season in Tulsa. (ed note: breaking news!)

I didn’t even bother to read this column. But enough people think Klein’s writing sucks that it was emailed to me. Felt good, like Tom Hanks on “Castaway” when he discovered Nelson.

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DikRidor is the new Captain ‘Cane at TU

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This is how the University of Tulsa welcomes it students. (Click on the above picture to enlarge: pun intended). Especially ones with names like Beth Ann. You know some international student in the college IT department gets a few giggles by doling out phonetically spelled offensive passwords.

I’m waiting for the TU Athletic Department to unveil Dik Ridor as the counterpart to Captain Cane. The Robin to Cane’s Batman. They could scour the TU campus, reigning thunder and exposing freshman girls to genetalia. Go TU!

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Five more years! Five more years!

The Tulsa World teased us today (Wednesday) by promising a review in Thursday’s paper of Mike Gundy’s first five years as Les Miles’ successor. A review of the evolution of his hairstyle? I wish. Probably more in the vein of Bobby Reid, lose to Baylor, and how the hell did Al Pena ever become the starting quarterback for a Big 12 football team.

Here’s a question: If Mike Gundy was named, say, Mike Jefferson (though Jefferson’s Lettuce has a nice ring to it) would he still be the Cowboys coach? Does having the name Gundy and all the accolades that came along with it buy him more trust equity, buy him more time to make an impact? I think it has to, given all that he did as a player. And in no way would I want Gundy fired … even if he went 5-7 this season. But you have to know that having the surname buys him some more time in Stillwater. And … well … the hair.

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Too bad Chris Farley is dead, he’d slay this

Chris Young is back. And what a romantic. He bags on the incumbent mayor (:24) and makes a seamless transition (:38) into proposing to his girlfriend. “We need new roads and lower taxes and Carol will you marry me?”

And he’s proposing to a woman named “Carol.” Sounds made up. Really, who after the year 1950 has named a little infant girl “Carol” and expected her not to end up in porn or a cult or a bloodless nun.

His opponent Jonathan Scott is no Teddy Roosevelt. He spends half his time (1:38) trying to predict how many people will turn out for voting. “Maybe 20-thousand, maybe 15-thousand, uh … may 12-thousand.” TIME!

God bless the people of Providence.

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Chris Young is ready to take over the world with song

Thanks to American Idol, we’ve realized people can be completely delusional about their talents and skills. In an effort to be polite and build self-esteem, we’ve built a generation of unexceptional people who believe they’re exceptional. I bet Chris Young had a room full of participation ribbons and honorable mention certificates. Not that Providence mayoral candidate isn’t a modern day Bob Dylan, what with his Guthrie-esque take down of the upper class on the above video.

Hand it to this anchor lady for keeping a straight face throughout the whole ordeal.

This has nothing to do with Gundy’s hair of John Klein’s shitty writing. But if I read another article about the lack of depth at linebacker for the Cowboys, I’ll fillet my scrotum. Thank goodness the team is back in class so they can be distracted by that pesky school work. Meanwhile, the compliance folks are planning on the athletes achieving more Cs than a Spanish couple reaching mutual orgasm.

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Perrish Cox better get humping to catch up with Jets’ Antonio Cromartie

Listen to Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie tick off the names of his children on HBO’s “Hard Knocks.” In some cases, he doesn’t even name them. Probably because he can’t remember. And most of them are three years old. 2007 was a good year to be Antonio.

Perrish Cox is already on kid No. 3. But he’ll be traveling all over the United States now. You can’t find much road beef in Ames, Iowa … especially when the team plane is in and out (pun intended) in one day.

Soon the entire United States will have the surname Cromartie or Cox.

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Klein: Cowboys have lost talent from 2009. And they haven’t.

Tulsa World senior columnist (having earned that title because he presumably writes for confused senior citizens) henpecked a column on his antique Hermes typewriter about the 2010 Oklahoma State football team.

Klein opens his column saying that the “primary reason for doom and gloom” regarding OSU’s chances this year revolve around the presumed lack of talent relative to the 2009 squad. Then he spends the first half of his column saying that, well, most of that “talent” associated with Dez Bryant and Kendall Hunter didn’t play much last season. Okay, valid point, I guess.

Then he took a nap and finished his column and completely contradicted himself.

“If O-State drops off this season, after two straight nine-victory seasons, then it may have more to do with level of talent than experience.”

Wha…you just spent the first half saying talent wasn’t the issue. And now it is?

SERIOUSLY!!! Who owes money to this guy? Or which Lorton did Klein catch in a fishnet unitard at Club Majestic? That’s the only way he’d be employable. We are all dumber for having read this column.

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What would Gundy do? Petrino object to lady’s hat

 

Media pundits are slobbering over the fact that an Arkansas radio reporter was fired from her station for wearing a Florida hat to a Bobby Petrino press conference.

I didn’t want to take the time to figure out how to embed the video here (those pizzas won’t deliver themselves). But here’s the link for all two of you reading.

This video begs the question: What would Gundy do if someone scruffy reporter – doesn’t have to be female – wore an OU or Texas hat to a press conference. I doubt he’d say anything. Gundy expelled any confrontational equity he had when he took Jenni Carlson to the woodshed. The reporter said she grabbed a hat from the house and went to the press conference, not entirely realizing she was wearing a Florida hat. And she can’t understand what the big deal is.

Same way I couldn’t understand why so many folks got bent when I took that pizza and cake to my uncle’s Overeaters Anonymous class at the rec center.

First off, this lady KNEW what she was doing. She graduated from Florida. She’s a Gator fan. She was trying to get a rise from someone … whether it be Petrino or the SID intern. And save the Freedom of Speech argument unless the campus cops put her in cuffs and washed her off with a firehose. Petrino is a noted a-hole but he had a legitimate gripe here, I think.

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