The official clothing of Mike Gundy

Random musings as I tap my foot waiting for the 6:30 kickoff:

Not that coach’s shows are supposed to be exciting, but if they broadcast the Mike Gundy Show on a circadian loop to those Chilean miners, the afflicated would find a way out just to escape the boredom. And when did Gundy become a Nascar driver. Much like the Nascar set references car numbers instead of people, Gundy does the same thing with opposing players. Does he really not know their names? I noticed that Mike Gundy’s wardrobe has been sponsored by SJ Haggard in Oklahoma City. When will a salon step forward and sponsor his hair (which is way too short this season for my taste)?

-Who are the grumps that complained about the black uniforms? I thought they looked awesome last year. Granted, the Cowboys didn’t really play awesome in them. But Mike Holder is all about the coin. So why wouldn’t he let the Pokes wear black and move some ebony merch. Perhaps the black jerseys reminded Boone Pickens that oil prices were down.

-If the Pokes score 60 against Texas A&M, I’ll make a popsicle stick statue of Dana Holgorsen.

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Bill Young enticing OSU defense with candy. Much like a pedophile

When the ol’ “your mom asked me to pick you up, now get in my van” scheme didn’t work with the Cowboy defense, Bill Young went with the candy.

According to the AP, the OSU defensive coordinator rewards Poke defenders with Butterfingers and Snickers. Meanwhile Gundy, who used to spent all his time on the offensive side of the practice field, is meandering to Young’s territory and shouting “Strip the ball!” during drills … all before he tosses Orie Lemon a Baby Ruth.

Whatever works, I guess. By the way, OSU is a mortal lock at -3.5. My early week prediction:
Oklahoma State 34
Texas A&M 21

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Bowman still languishing in the CFL

My favorite OSU Cowboy Adarius Bowman is turning in an underwhelming year for the Winnipeg Bombers, according to this guy. Unlike Kramer, I don’t watch the CFL. But I’ve been rooting for Bowman since he came to Stillwater. Looks like he has three touchdowns and more than 650 yards receiving in 11 games for Winnipeg. Probably not stats that will get him a look in the NFL.

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Jerrod Johnson showing he’s a poor man’s Quincy Carter

The last Heisman pose Jerrod Johnson will strike.

When everyone was rubbing the groin of their sweatpants in the pre-season about Jerrod Johnson (Heisman hopeful? Big 12 Pre-Season Player Of The Year), I knew this would happen. Take a guy with a lot of upside on a little considered team, sprinkle in freakish athleticism, a former NFL coach, one person says something, then another repeats it, then Johnson becomes the ‘sexy pick’ and then he’s the best player in the Big 12. Even though he’s not probably in the top 5. I knew this would happen.

Johnson played his way out of the Heisman race last Saturday (if you believe he was in it) by nearly choking away the Aggie’s game to Florida International. Johnson finished 11-31 with four picks. That’s four interceptions.

Oklahoma State has to be the favorite on Sept. 30. Weeden will have a few extra days for the thumb to heal. Hubert Anyiam will be closer to 100%. Justin Blackmon will look even MORE like Otis Nixon. And Mike Gundy will try and be like Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano and wear his sunglasses in a dome. Meaning, Mike Gundy will be awesome.

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This is Gundy celebrating his offensive coordinator hire

Dana Holgorsen is MORE than earning his $350,000 salary this year. And Mike Gundy’s decision (or whoever made the decision) to hire him is worth at least three more wins this season.

722 total yards! Holy crap. That’s how much the late 90s OSU teams would get during the entire conference season.

Holgorsen, keep living in that roach motel. Keep slamming those Red Bulls. Keep combing that skullet. And keep the Cowboys scoring in the 60s.

In hindsight, I should have mortgaged my mobile home on the Cowboys giving seven points. Tulsa is terrible.

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Glad we’re not playing Penn State this week

A similar sign was posted in Keaton Paige's dorm

I don’t have $180. Or friends. So I won’t be able to attend the OSU vs. Tulsa game on Saturday. I’ll have to rely on the velvety voice of Dave Hunziger and the plaintive moans of Robert Allen. Then, after the game, watch the jittery, student-produced Mike Gundy Show to see what the game would look like if I had Parkinson’s.

So since I’ll have to imagine the game in my head, I’ll imagine the final score.

OSU 45
Tulsa 32

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Gaining perspective on Washington State win

After the beatdown against Washington State, it was hard for Poke fans to hide their excitement. After all, OSU just destroyed a Pac-10 team. But like Harvey Keitel said in “Pulp Fiction”: “Let’s not start sucking each other’s dicks yet, gentlemen.”

Washington State is a 22 1/2 point underdog against SMU this weekend.

Pros: OSU did what they had to do against a terrible team
Cons: That will probably be the Cowboys’ easiest game this season … even considering Louisiana-Lafayette.

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Tech fans will scare Texas with silence, like a scorned wife

Tech fans playing the quiet game.

Silence is scary. Like when you say to someone you just slept with, “You don’t have herpes, right?” SILENCE. Its especially scary at football stadiums. Texas Tech fans (a select few, not all are complete idiots), to avoid being brutish and more cosmopolitan, will be silent when Texas has the ball this Saturday

Tech, please do this Oct. 16 when Oklahoma State comes to town. The last thing you’d want is a rabid, screaming fan base like that night Michael Crabtree ripped out Mack Brown’s heart with a last second touchdown reception. I’m sure the crowd had nothing to do with that upset.

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This is Mike Gundy reacting if Weeden is done for the year

This guy is classic. He’s like Will Ferrell in “Old School,” wearing a bathrobe and pushing kids in the pool and screaming “BLAAHHH!” And the man’s hands never leave his pockets.

This is how Gundy reacted when the NCAA told him Dez Bryant was suspended for the season. And how he’ll react if Brandon Weeden’s thumb doesn’t heal. Hell, I think you’ll see a lot of Cowboy fans doing a stiff spined fall off the Williams Tower if that comes to pass.

Word to middle schools: Don’t make teenage boys wear white shirts and ties. They look like creepy little Children of the Corn who are recovering or prepping for molestation. They don’t look handsome or nice. I don’t care what Grandma says.

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Weeden fumbled victory formation snap because of Buffalo Wild Wings guy

Oklahoma State 1
Buffalo Wild Wings 0

I see you working Wild Wings. You forced Brandon Weeden to fumble the victory formation snap in the fourth quarter against Troy so the Trojans could score the game-tying field goal and send the contest into overtime. Whether it was your pesky sprinkler head trick … or the errant flash bulb … the Cowboys prevailed and forced their own fumble on the next possession.

Does anyone else have a problem with this concept besides me? Why can’t the fans just stay after the game and continue to eat and drink? If they’re willing to let a janitor ruin the outcome of the game, they’re not really sports fans. And if they’re not really sports fans, they don’t need the game on to stay at Buffalo Wild Wings and drink $6.50 Coors Light drafts for another 90 minutes. Just saying.

More “just saying”

-Why do the kids on “Gossip Girl” have horribly outdated phones? They’re pulling out 2005 Nokias to check Gossip Girl updates! Give Blair and Serena and iPhone!
-When is this “documentary” that is being taped on “The Office” ever going to debut? For almost seven seasons now, a crew has been filming the Scranton branch for an office documentary. But this documentary has never made air (to the viewers knowledge) and if it was broadcast or shown at movie theatres, there has been no fall out to how the office, Michael Scott, Jim’s over-reacting eyebrows have been perceived. New story line for “The Office”: The documentary comes out, Michael becomes a big star, cover of “People” and “US Weekly” and then buys the Scranton branch from that new corporation.

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