Archive for November, 2009

Photo: The last time Gundy smiled. Taken in 2007 when he saw photo of a puppy and kitten spooning

Even the college punks are wearing out Gundy.

This guy Ryan Stewart set his bong atop his Dane Cook comedy albums long enough to bang out this column about Gundy in O’Colly.

I hadn’t read this quote from Gundy until this column:

“They had 11 games on tape and there wasn’t a whole lot of tricks left and that’s the downfall of playing late in the season like this,” Gundy said.

That’s not an explanation as I understand the definition. That’s a cop out.

Dude, Gundy. The hair is fabulous. The shades are very Maverick-eque. But you have to come up with better reasons than the ol’ “11 games on tape” excuse. That’s the ‘dog-ate-my-homework’ of college football coaches.

Next year, the OSU coaches should splice porn into the game tapes they exchange. Like Tyler Durden does in “Fight Club.” Just quick freeze frames to make opposing coaches question their sexuality.

Coach: “They like to run the zone-read here (flash frame of giant dong).
Did anyone see that? No. Oh … *shuffles feet nervously and considers going gay*”


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I hope Gundy has to sit next to this guy on the flight to Dallas.

So Zac Robinson was hurt on the first DRIVE during the Bedlam game. So that’s what all that limping was. Geez. I noticed it from the 52nd row.

Why not give Weeden a CHANCE to get something going. I love Zac Robinson but a 100% Brandon Weeden gives you a better chance to win than a gimpy Zac Robinson. That might be Gundy’s fatal flaw. He sticks with guys too long because of their history, they “do the right things on and off the field” crap, etc. Zac couldn’t make any throws, couldn’t scramble, he was no threat on the option play. Gundy totally crapped the bed in this game. I still love the hair. But he needs to write a few different things on that clipboard he’s so in love with.

“Dear, Mike. If your quarterback sucks (Cate) or is hurt (Robinson), maybe you should try someone else. The hair looks great. Signed, You.
p.s. The zone-read option is SOOO played. Let’s try some old-fashioned I-formation.”

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I actually got to go to the Bedlam game Saturday. And watching the Cowboy offense sputter and flouder and drool out the side of its mouth felt like seeing someone you really liked and respected withering in a nursing home.

The whole game was so hopeless. Not one third down conversion. OSU’s douchey punter swaggering out 14 times to kick line drives and give the Sooners great field position. Watching Wilson Yooman drop passes and Kendall Hunter gracing us with his presence every third series. What a disaster. Gundy’s cute little placards didn’t help at all Saturday.

In hindsight, its probably good they didn’t go to the Fiesta Bowl. Because, if they played like that, TCU would have destroyed Oklahoma State.

Now comes the Bitter Bowl in Dallas. Cowboy fans like me are still bitter about OSU’s showing in the 2004 Alamo Bowl when the Pokes crapped the bed against Ohio State because Les Miles was job hunting.

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Get a room

During Mike Gundy’s press conference Monday, brother Cale called the Better Gundy’s cell phone (405-HAIR-GEL or 405-424-7435) – presumably – to wish him well on Saturday.

Then Mike said that’s the first time he’s called in six months. That would definitely be weird competing against your brother; not only in one game per year, but also on the recruiting trail. The only time you could really talk would be June. And then you’re giving each other the Larry David stink eye, trying to see what the other is hiding.

But is Cale a black sheep or what? Remember when he’d take his helmet off after every touchdown? It’ll take a lifetime to climb out of that Douche Hole. While his older brother is piloting a cross country school (national champs! baby) to a BCS game, Cale is teaching running backs how to fumble.

And the hair! What happened to Cale’s hair? Why was Mike so blessed and Cale got this generic, dark brown thing he has going on up top?

OSU 21
Oklahoma 20

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I just filled my mother’s basement (my room) with bags of Tostitos. Hopefully the word of increased sales in the Oklahoma zip codes will lead the Fiesta Bowl committee to choose OSU for their bowl.

Someone please wake John Klein and tell him that, if the Cowboys win Saturday, they are MOST LIKELY going to the Fiesta Bowl.

From his lame column:

“In a game of role reversal, it is Oklahoma State that may be playing for big stakes.”

MAY be playing? What a moron. And what does the pronoun ‘it’ clarify, “Kleiner.” Your bowel movements? Your Matlock DVDs? Someone please rip the Big 12 Insider column away from him.

This is WAY late but thoughts on the OSU/Colorado game
-Everytime Chris Fowler mentioned Markques Simas in the OSU/Colorado games, I thought he was going to say “semen.”
-Dan Hawkins came to Boulder with a flat top. Then he tries to mix it up with some lame, insurance-salesman side part. The Buffs began to swoon and lose games. Coincidence? Gundy. Don’t touch the spike.
-Really, what was Gundy thinking starting Alex Cate. The decision eventually worked out because OSU won. But that’s like the manager in “Major League” agreeing to let a 40-year-old catcher bunt in the 9th inning of a playoff game. The decision worked out. But not because it was a good one.

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Life hates me

Hence the lack of jocular posts. Hoping to began riffing on Gundy’s hair and the Pokes Fiesta Bowl hopes soon.

I heart Brandon Weeden.

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Word around the campfire is Alex Cate has taken most of the first-team snaps in practice this week. Since practice is closed, no one (except Gundy) really knows for sure if Zac Robinson will play Thursday.

In situations like this, I don’t mind the whole media freeze out. On a short week, what’s it matter if the Tulsa World or Daily Oklahoman knows for sure who is starting. I take the Jack Nicholson approach in “A Few Good Men” …

(in Gundy voice) “You enjoy the wins under the banner of football I provide and then question the manner in which I provide it. I’d rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Either way, I don’t care.”
(Media) “Will Robinson play on Thursday?”
(Gundy) “Eat a bag of dicks”
(Gundy) “What do you want?”
(Media) “We want the truth.”
(Gundy) “You can’t handle the truth!”

Either way, Vegas LOVES the Pokes in this game. The line opened at OSU -14 and has moved to -16 1/2. So that makes me feel better. I always take comfort in the approval of degenerate gamblers.

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