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Archive for October, 2010


Justin Blackmon is completely fine in my book. Sure he probably deserved his one-game suspension. But when a 20-year-old college kid finds out that an former OSU players (please, its Dez Bryant) left tickets to a Monday Night Football game at the new Texas Stadium, you’re going. And if you don’t you’re a nerd or Keiton Page or worse. That’s what college kids do: make bad decisions. And to Blackmon’s credit, the Barney Fifes that pulled him over didn’t even give him a Breathlyzer because there was nothing besides the faint scent of an $11 beer Blackmon drank 4 hours ago. But because he’s 20 … DUI!!!! Call for backup!!!!!

But instead of running from his problems and trying to pawn them off on someone else, Blackmon completely owned up. Whereas the person who left the tickets for Blackmon ruined the 2009 campaign, lied and then left campus mid-season to work out in Florida.

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A pair of radio dorks in Omaha had a fake Mike Gundy call in to discuss the OSU-Nebraska game this week. For the most part this is pretty funny. I’m more interested in other markets’ impression of who Mike Gundy is. The guy in this clip has the voice dead to rights. The Clint Eastwood gravel meets Midwest City twang. By and large, Gundy is a pretty generic character. He never really says anything particularily interesting or thought provoking. If it wasn’t for his hair and gold chain, you’d be hard pressed to pick him out of a police line-up with the guy who changes your oil. But these guys were able to pick up on the Gundy cadence and random, sporatic anger and create a fairly good character … along with a liberal use of ‘makes me wanna puke.’

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Unlike the 2009 season, Vegas is consistently picking against Oklahoma State and/or giving them low point spreads. And aside from the Troy game, the Cowboys have raped their picks

Washington State – 17pt favorite (COVERED)
Troy – 14pt favorite (WEEDEN NEARLY FUMBLED GAME AWAY – NO COVER)
Tulsa – 7pt favorite (COVERED LIKE ME ON YOUR MOM)
Texas A&M – 3pt favorite (PUSH – AGAIN, LIKE ME ON YOUR MOM)
Louisiana-Lafayette – 22pt favorite (COVERED)
Texas Tech – 3 1/2 pt underdog (BEAT THE SPREAD)

Now OSU is a 5.5-6 point underdog to Nebraska at home. Am I wrong in wanting to wager my savings ($178) on the Pokes in this one? What am I missing? Who has Nebraska beaten? If their jerseys said IOWA STATE on the front and not Nebraska – with everything being the same – Oklahoma State would be a 3 point favorite. For whatever reason, the name “Nebraska” still holds a lot of weight. Much like John Klein.

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My favorite carbon-based life form Charles Clinton is on LinkedIn. The same Charles Clinton who delivered the above reporting montage and is currently shopping his audition tape to small markets.

A few highlights:
-Charlies has most recently worked counting people for the Census Bureau. Can you imagine if he knocked on your door, climbing in your window and snatching your people up … to count them. “Hey GUYS! Open the door … GUYS! I need a head count … GUYS!”
-Charlies recently worked for a limosuine company, helping market the enterprise to seniors who’ve waited 18 years to puke in a town car and sweaty, hairy-chested guys named Maury who want to hire a working girl and catch a BJ on the way home from Atlantic City after a big night at the craps table.
-His profile picture

God bless, Charles Clinton. And God Bless America.

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You could hit every state fair in the Central time zone and not see a grill like this. After seeing this guy, George Foreman changed the name of his product to Hot Slanted Metal. Whenever this guy and Bo Pelini walk into a convienence store, the packs of gum run and hide.

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Mike Gundy claims he’s not especially surprised at the Cowboys’ 6-0 start. So you’re saying if someone grabbed Gundy by the gold chain after the loss in the Cotton Bowl and said, “Hey Mike. Nice hair. And in 2010, you’ll win your first six games” … that he wouldn’t be surprised. Where are we at in society today … when a coach just can’t admit he had no idea Justin Blackmon would become an NFL ready running back and that Brandon Weeden could play at a high Division I level, despite the fact he likes sushi.

From Gundy’s weekly teleconference:

“I was fairly confident that the new players we had that were going to compete for us this season had been in practices and been on the bus and been on airplanes with football teams that had won a lot of games in the last three years and had competed in big games and had found a way to be successful,” Gundy said in a teleconference Monday morning. “We just didn’t have any evidence of that because we had so many new players that are competing. But they’d still been in the program and (were) very stable, very disciplined, very structured.

Except for that whole Jamie Blatnik thing.

I know Gundy’s not trying to be coy or ironic. Because he doesn’t know what those words mean and he’s never employed either mode of communication. But just sit back and say, “Yeah, this whole season’s like the end of a good ‘Walker Texas Ranger’ episode. Just a big suprise. A nice, big surprise.”

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So Gundy has to be the front runner for Big 12 Coach of the Year, right? And a black man would be president and people would be into vampires? And the Coreys would not be movie stars? Yeah, right to all, correct?

Gundy’s best moves are now what he DOESN’T do. Like calls plays. Or make love to his clipboard while his defense is on the field. He’s hired and recruited the right people. And let his hair do its magic. Spike, wink at the mirror, spike again, adjust the gold chain and repeat. Then slay opponents.

You can’t evaluate the mettle of a team before a conference road win. After beating Tech this weekend in Lubbock, it’d hard to not call these 2010 Cowboys legit. Like the 2000 Sooners, these Pokes don’t have first round NFL draft talent and their quarterback is kind of goofy. But they win games and make halftime adjustments and finish drives.

I was fully prepared for the Pokes to be 3-3 right now. Now I’m bracing for the inevitable Cowboy Collapse that rapes you when you’re not looking. Oklahoma State is a 6-point underdog AT HOME to Nebraska, a team with an even more tragically unhip coach than the Gundy. Bo Pelini will go through 3,800 packs of Juicy Fruit between now and kick off and he still won’t be able to stop Dana’s offensive attack.

I’m declaring this Saturday the battle of the gold chains. Gundy’s gold chains versus that sweatshirt/gold chain combo of Bo Pelini. Who you got?

Oklahoma State 35
Nebraska 32

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