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Archive for the ‘Non-Gundy Stuff’ Category


I made a point to tune in last night and watch my favorite NBA team …. which is any team that plays the Miami Heat. Cleveland did its best to boo Lebron James and make signs with humorous acroynms and puns in relation to King James and Witness. Then you look up and the Cavs are down by 30.

One cool thing: I didn’t realize Joey Graham was starting for Cleveland. I lost track of him once he played in Toronto. Meanwhile Jameson Curry is said to still be regretting his decision to leave OSU after his junior year while slipping on his Springfield Armor jersey.

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Kermit the Frog calling a buzzer beater in some girls high school game.

I’m totally stealing this observation from Barstool Sports. But when I pictured Kermit wearing headphones, sitting next to an awestruck Fozie Bear, tears literally came to my eyes. Let’s hope Gonzo doesn’t fuck up the post-game interview, pull a Jim Gray and ask the girl who hit the shot why she just won’t admit she cheated on her math test that afternoon.

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Couldn’t figure out how to post this video. But it’s priceless. Miss Shmeco is undoubtedly Sooner Born and Sooner Bred. And fat she’ll die Sooner Dead.

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Aside from “We’ve got company” and “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” and “You look like shit” (said to the sullen protagonist around the end of Act II), the biggest movie cliche is the Mirror Gag: designed to make an audience jump … never accounting for a character’s inate ability to sense a being (living or dead) in the room. I’ll be honest. I’ve defecated the occassional Underdoo to the Mirror Gag. But it’s becoming as played as “One game at a time …”

So which is worse? Movie cliches? Or sports cliches?

I’ve got to go with sports cliches having once covered sports for a (meager) living. A throng of media funnel into a press room, focus their cameras, wind their handheld recorders, sharpen their pencils, set their phasers to stun … all to hear some coach or player condescend to the entire group and give vague, uninteresting information. Media members will breathlessly transcribe generic and trite observations by said player or coach … not realizing that if they referenced their notes from the previous week, they wouldn’t be much different. Then if said coach or player shows a modicum of humanity in making a joke or self-deprecating remark, the entire media room roars with laughter like a 1982 Richard Pryor is playing Madison Square Garden. If that same remark was said before the press conference, no one would laugh. But since an athlete or coach said it … well, it’s “Blazing Saddles” times infiniti.

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I’m not sure what to make of this video so I’ll just post it. It’s not like I’m contributing much else in terms of discourse in the massive butthole that is the blogosphere.

I feel like the less I blog about the OSU football team the better they play so … thanks.

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My favorite carbon-based life form Charles Clinton is on LinkedIn. The same Charles Clinton who delivered the above reporting montage and is currently shopping his audition tape to small markets.

A few highlights:
-Charlies has most recently worked counting people for the Census Bureau. Can you imagine if he knocked on your door, climbing in your window and snatching your people up … to count them. “Hey GUYS! Open the door … GUYS! I need a head count … GUYS!”
-Charlies recently worked for a limosuine company, helping market the enterprise to seniors who’ve waited 18 years to puke in a town car and sweaty, hairy-chested guys named Maury who want to hire a working girl and catch a BJ on the way home from Atlantic City after a big night at the craps table.
-His profile picture

God bless, Charles Clinton. And God Bless America.

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You could hit every state fair in the Central time zone and not see a grill like this. After seeing this guy, George Foreman changed the name of his product to Hot Slanted Metal. Whenever this guy and Bo Pelini walk into a convienence store, the packs of gum run and hide.

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