Archive for June, 2010

Baby Gundy

OKblitz.com is giving away a helmet signed by the Great One.

Word around the campfire is that this is an oversized helmet, much like the one Buffalo Bill great Don Beebe wore. Gotta have room in the dome for the Lettuce, right?

I bet you couldn’t get Gundy in a football helmet these days. It would be like Picasso painting in oven mitts. Sure, during his playing days, he COULD wear a helmet. Not much you can do to ruin a mullet. Now that he’s holding a clipboard and wearing a whistle, he has to protect his Money Maker. I bet he wouldn’t wear a helmet for all the gold chains in the hotel room in the above video. And Gundy LOVES gold chains.


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I imagine Coach Gundy could cull some ideas from this instructional dance video designed to fuse the artistic dance stylings of country and hip-hop.

In Gundy’s head: I can appeal to the white, corn-fed boys with the country. And the black folks with the hip-hop.

Gundy ought to hire this lady to be his Director of Football Operations. The white guys would be singing soul music in the lockerroom while the black guys laugh, a la “Remember The Titans.” But they’d play TOGETHER!

Then Gundy could pin this lady down, grab a wad of hair gel and spike her hair just like his. Just tossing out ideas …

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I’d like to watch the World Cup. But I can watch birds bandy about a worm in my backyard for 90 minutes with crickets chirping. Basically the same thing with less riots.

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The dress code at Gundy's Lettuce HQ is pretty lax.

Since I last posted:
-John Klein said UNLV and New Mexico would be worthy additions to the Big 12.
-New episodes of “Everyone Hates Willie Warren” have been in heavy rotation.
-OU baseball coach Sunny Golloway celebrated Father’s Day with a win in the College World Series despite the fact his daughter showed her cooch in “Playboy.”

Then in today’s Tulsa World, John Klein attempt to write about USA’s win in the World Cup and interviews a guy who played on Tulsa’s professional hockey team in the 1980s to localize the victory. Klein’s incompetence is getting depressing. When he submits his columns you know the sports desk (I hope) just exhales, kneads their collective temples and then gently stabs themselves in the thigh with a sewing needle to punish themselves for publishing such crap. That’s why self-mutilators do.

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Check out the push broom mustache on that assistant!

Presumably, now that the Big 12 has ten teams, the Cowboys will have nine conference games and three non-conference showdowns. Which is perfectly fine with me. Who needs the random mid-September game at 6pm against Grambling State or Louisiana-Monroe. Kick it old school and play everybody, like in the days of the Big 8 … when every team either ran the I-Formation or the Wishbone, Barry Switzer smoked heaters on the sideline, the Pokes played on green concrete and Gundy had a mullet.

Speaking of, I used to think the greatest generational divide was the hankerchief.

A group of men – most born before 1960 – will blow their nose into a hankerchief and then STICK THE SNOTTY RAG IN THEIR POCKET AND USE IT AGAIN LATER THAT DAY. This somehow became socially acceptable. Few men born after 1960 can get on board with toting a snot rag in their pocket next to their cellphone.

The new cultural divide: the pronunciation of “Missouri.”

Old school: MissourUH
New school: MissourEEE

Pat Jones, Mike Holder, Boone Pickens … they all saw MissourUH.
Soon all those people will die. And people who say MissourEEE will run the world.

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OSU sideline reporter Robert Allen wheezed his way through a Q&A with Cowboy quarterback Brandon Weeden. Nothing new here except that Weeden admits Gundy called him out on his poor practice habits. And how will he respond? Positively, of course. He’s a man! He’s 26!

Then Allen commences to get a nice whiff of Weeden’s groin by complimenting him on his golf game, new work ethic and his subtle musk. Okay, I made up the musk part. Partially. Just reading between the lines.

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Wow! Who does Tom Brady think he is? Mike Gundy? This picture is nine stages of raging boner awesome. Brady’s hair looks like a futuristic virtual reality helmet. Or a rabid beaver burrowing into his scalp.

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