Archive for May, 2009

Name the lettuce!


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The Tulsa People, which is well worth its cover value, profiled working Tulsa comedians in this month’s issue. Because Tulsa is known the world over for its comedy.

Funnyman Sam Higgins is featured on the cover. Higgins makes us chuckle by placing his head and foot on opposite sides of a Tulsa door way. HA HA! Will it collapse without him to hold it up?!? Is it symbolic of our topsy-turvy world?!? Or will his comedy turn you, the reader, on your ear?!?

Either way its genuis. I know I want my local comedians posing in hilarious ways. Hands in pocket with a bored look is NOT funny. Be crazy! Like that Kramer guy on the TV! He’s hilarious. You know what else is hilarious?!? “Two And A Half Men”!!!!

One’s a fastitious home body. The other’s a raging sexaholic, Alpha-Male. And they’re raising a kid!! Talk about an odd couple! BOTH fish are out of water. (Tee hee)

Maybe I’ll slap on a gas mask and see one of these talented comedians at a local comedy club like The Looney Bin. I need social observations from the white funnymen and jokes about how lame white people are from the African-Americans. Bring it on, Jokesters. I’m ready to laugh. And I don’t even have to leave Tulsa County!

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Ohio State and Michigan announced they’ll save $250,000 this season by NOT printing their glossy 300-page media guides. Instead, they’ll create PDFs to link on their website.

Don’t even think about it, Kevin Klintworth.

The OSU Sports Information Director will unleash hell if I don’t get glossy photos of Gundy’s hair in 2009. Plus all his passing records. Plus the stoic photos of him jogging, leading the Pokes onto BP Capital Field.

A PDF of this hot mess will NOT cut it. Spend the money. It’s worth it. A media guide is something to cherish. Something that sportswriters take to the toilet during boring weekedays mid-season. How else do you think they memorize all those stats?

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Remember Matt Roney? Edmond North grad who was the Rockies first round pick in the late 90s? Signed for 1-million dollars? Pitched for the second-worst MLB team of all time (2003 Tigers)? A prime example of the risk/reward of the Rule 5 draft? Made a come back and signed with Toronto in 2007 only to be bounced for 50 games for tested positive for a (recreational? that’s the ruuuumor) banned substance?

I hope he still have that ‘Vette he bought with his signing bonus. In 1798, if you threw a rock 100 mph per hour they’d put you in the weeds to hurl stones at Indians?

In 1998, if you throw 100mph they give you a million dollars and toss in you in front of 50,000 screaming Detroit baseball fans before you’re mentally ready for the big leagues.

I hope Matt has found something to with his time.

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I won’t waste time discussing how brutal Kevin Ward and the “Animal Fodder” show is on AM 1550 The Sports Animal. (“On this day in history, Fabian recorded ….)

But if you want to take a trip back to 2007, log on to their website.

For some reason, they carry the Kansas Jayhawks football and basketball games. And this how they describe the program on their website NOW:

Kansas University football and men’s basketball. KU just finished a 12-1 football season and win over Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl in ’07 while the men’s basketball team won the schools 3rd NCAA title last season! The football team is ranked in most Top 25 polls for ’08 and the basketball team will be a favorite to repeat as NCAA Champion.

And nice pixilated photo of the morning show.

 I’m sure Kevin Ward is a nice man, what with his denim button-up shirt with the buttons on the COLLAR to make sure that tie doesn’t get ancy and slide out.

But this guy has no idea what he’s doing. Andy Rooney thinks Kevin Ward is out of touch. How the Animal gets better ratings than Jim Rome, Dan Patrick and The Big Show is beyond me.

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Dude, you got glass on my striped shirt!

Dude, you got glass on my striped shirt!

Some drunk crashed into the In The Raw on Brookside this week. Kind of sad and kind of hilarious. The ITR on Brookside (alleged to be the cooler, more fashionable alternative to the ITR on 61st and Sheridan) is where douches get to expand on their douchey-ness.

Trust me, I douche out every time I go there because everyone’s hot and the food’s delicious.

But its pretty hilarious to see an Altima hanging out of the trendiest restaurant in Tulsa.

From the Tulsa World:

A man led police on a high-speed chase Tuesday night and crashed his car into another vehicle, forcing it through a plate-glass window at a Brookside sushi restaurant.

The pursuit began in Owasso, where police tried to stop Alfred Humphrey for speeding, said Tulsa Police Officer Shannon Zadora.

Officers lost sight of Humphrey’s Nissan Altima, which allegedly was traveling at speeds of more than 100 mph with its headlights turned off, Zadora said.

Poor Alfred. Crashing into a sea of striped shirts and lil’ black dresses.

Tocci’s on Cherry Street? Consider yourself warned.

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Marketing in a Downturned Economy

Jim Glover & Kell Kelly

Date: Thursday May 21, 2009
Time: 11:30AM
Location: Summit Club, 15 West 6th Street, 30th floor

How are local companies dealing with economic difficulties? Tulsa AMA will hear from two expert panelists in May about how they are tackling new marketing challenges. The presentation will include a round table format presented by the two panelists who will discuss their current strategies/marketing approach and answer questions from the audience. Panelists: Kell Kelly, SpiritBank Jim Glover, Jim Glover Chevrolet RSVP by Monday, May 18. Members: $25 ———————————————————————————-

I’d love to go to this seminar. Mmmmm….not selling cars. GM makes a crappy product. My location is ghetto. I know, I’ll start pimping my hot daughter.

When it comes to marketing, look around the house. If there are any sprouting breasts (that don’t belong to you), wrangle them up and throw them on a billboard.

FYI – the pic above is of Kristen Glover and her douchey-fiance. Word around the campfire is ol’ Jim doesn’t think he’s good enough. But how could he be. He could be Jason Statham with Ron Jeremy’s hog and every guy would still claim him to be d-baggy in jealous rage.

PS … for some reason, Kristen likes ropin’ and ridin’

KG on the 2010 Chevy Cobalt

KG on the 2010 Chevy Cobalt

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