Aside from “We’ve got company” and “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” and “You look like shit” (said to the sullen protagonist around the end of Act II), the biggest movie cliche is the Mirror Gag: designed to make an audience jump … never accounting for a character’s inate ability to sense a being (living or dead) in the room. I’ll be honest. I’ve defecated the occassional Underdoo to the Mirror Gag. But it’s becoming as played as “One game at a time …”

So which is worse? Movie cliches? Or sports cliches?

I’ve got to go with sports cliches having once covered sports for a (meager) living. A throng of media funnel into a press room, focus their cameras, wind their handheld recorders, sharpen their pencils, set their phasers to stun … all to hear some coach or player condescend to the entire group and give vague, uninteresting information. Media members will breathlessly transcribe generic and trite observations by said player or coach … not realizing that if they referenced their notes from the previous week, they wouldn’t be much different. Then if said coach or player shows a modicum of humanity in making a joke or self-deprecating remark, the entire media room roars with laughter like a 1982 Richard Pryor is playing Madison Square Garden. If that same remark was said before the press conference, no one would laugh. But since an athlete or coach said it … well, it’s “Blazing Saddles” times infiniti.


-Could T.Boone get his Big 12 Championship before he’s a rotting carcas? You know the old man made a deal with God. That’s the only way a program as cursed as Oklahoma State could be in this position.

God:, “You can have the conference title, but I want the soul of Mike Holder.”
T.Boone: “Deal. He’s probably going to hell anyway. What do you want for a national championship?”
God (chuckles): “Get real. We’re still talking about Oklahoma State, right? You’ll take your Big 12 Title and you’ll like it.” (*unpauses “Glee” from the DVR*)

Of course, instead of reveling in the Cowboys gridiron success, T.Boone is making the media rounds promoting legislation to require cross-country trucks to be powered by natural gas. You want natural gas? (*Author regresses in maturity 15 years, leans over and farts*)

-I’m appreciative that Oklahoma State is frequently on television. But Fox Sports has to work on that ticker. I know I’m watching a Big 12 game. But I don’t need to see the Kansas State-Iowa State score 37 times in five minutes. There’s a slim chance I might be interested in some other scores around the country. I have diaper money running on the Holy Cross over/under.

-Two things I’ve been correct about this season: Jerrod Johnson was over-rated. And Oklahoma State would be much better than pundits (a name that’s never used affectionately for some reason) said they’d be.

-This column by Dave Sittler is one of the best things I’ve read in awhile. In terms of interesting information. These comments by Gundy explain so much as to why he didn’t insert Brandon Weeden into the Bedlam game, despite the fact that Zac Robinson was playing like the wheelchair kid in “Glee.” (*that’s twice I’ve admitted my gayness*). If OSU wasn’t having such a good season and Gundy wasn’t in line to be Big 12 Coach of the Year, I’d be pretty pissed about that move. The Cowboys could have had a chance in the 09 Bedlam game if they’d had ANY offensive attack. And a spot in the Fiesta Bowl. But Gundy kept an injured Robinson in the game because he didn’t like the way Weeden practiced. Despite the fact the 27-year-old (*did you know that Weeden is older than his peers? I just heard!*) could throw a 15-yard-out better than 50% of NFL quarterbacks. Just saying.

-Oklahoma State is a 22-point favorite at Kansas. If I hadn’t lost my shirt and diaper money last week, I’d probably take the Jayhawks. But then again, the Pokes have proved Vegas wrong in every game this year except Troy and Nebraska.

I’m not sure what to make of this video so I’ll just post it. It’s not like I’m contributing much else in terms of discourse in the massive butthole that is the blogosphere.

I feel like the less I blog about the OSU football team the better they play so … thanks.

The premise. The writing. The flow. The coherence. All of this John Klein column is staggeringly terrible.

First, the premise. Klein says the Oklahoma State can’t overlook Texas. In what universe would a coach and team and program who have lost 12 straight to another program ever in God’s merciful name overlook an opponent like Texas. The notion isn’t even speakable. This all despite that fact that the Cowboys are favored by a touchdown ON THE ROAD against Texas. This is the very definition of a non-story. Did that even come up at Gundy’s news conference? That the Pokes would OVERLOOK Texas? Holy shit, this guy is terrible.

And the writing is bad, even for a knuckle-dragger like Klein. He basically uses the same Gundy quote twice in two parts of the story.

First quote: “They are still very athletic.”
Second quote … further down in the story: “They still have talent.”

Are those quotes so different that Klein would have to use each one?

Then the lack of flow and coherence are Klein staples. WHO does this man have dirt on? Why is he allowed to write the Big 12 Insider? I get less information because I doubt everything he says! Then he’s trying to stoke rumors that Todd Graham is heading to Boulder? God, what a dumbass.

Gundy rocking the 'flair hair' look

Who knew Mike Gundy would set the trends on the coast? According to Gawker, “flair hair” – where spiked hair flows out of a visor – is the new Snuggie meets Beanie Babies. All the kids are doing it. And guess what? Gundy rocked this look LAST YEAR!

Unfortunately, the lettuce has been underperforming in 2010. Way too tight for my taste. Hopefully Gundy will get the message that this is the cool thing to do now and he’ll grow out the spiked lettuce. But I know that’s not Gundy’s way. He always stays ahead of the trends. I’m expecting the gold chain and pleated grey slacks to make a comeback in 2011.

Justin Blackmon is completely fine in my book. Sure he probably deserved his one-game suspension. But when a 20-year-old college kid finds out that an former OSU players (please, its Dez Bryant) left tickets to a Monday Night Football game at the new Texas Stadium, you’re going. And if you don’t you’re a nerd or Keiton Page or worse. That’s what college kids do: make bad decisions. And to Blackmon’s credit, the Barney Fifes that pulled him over didn’t even give him a Breathlyzer because there was nothing besides the faint scent of an $11 beer Blackmon drank 4 hours ago. But because he’s 20 … DUI!!!! Call for backup!!!!!

But instead of running from his problems and trying to pawn them off on someone else, Blackmon completely owned up. Whereas the person who left the tickets for Blackmon ruined the 2009 campaign, lied and then left campus mid-season to work out in Florida.

A pair of radio dorks in Omaha had a fake Mike Gundy call in to discuss the OSU-Nebraska game this week. For the most part this is pretty funny. I’m more interested in other markets’ impression of who Mike Gundy is. The guy in this clip has the voice dead to rights. The Clint Eastwood gravel meets Midwest City twang. By and large, Gundy is a pretty generic character. He never really says anything particularily interesting or thought provoking. If it wasn’t for his hair and gold chain, you’d be hard pressed to pick him out of a police line-up with the guy who changes your oil. But these guys were able to pick up on the Gundy cadence and random, sporatic anger and create a fairly good character … along with a liberal use of ‘makes me wanna puke.’