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Archive for June, 2009

This guy has Channel 47 written all over him. He’s like a hairier, more subtle Chris Farley. Cable access is the best.

Teaching CPR to your pets? Brilliant! If he lost like 200 pounds he’d be a rich man’s Burt Mummolo.

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Recognize my inaugural CBI, Coach Kruzukbitchki

Recognize my inaugural CBI, Coach Kruzukbitchki

Tulsa will travel to Cameron Indoor next season to play at Duke. No, there is no home-and-home agreement. Not even a 2-for-1. But should Tulsa be on the proverbial bubble come next February, an upset win over Duke could FINALLY push Doug Wojcik and Tulsa into the NCAA Tournament.

Never happen? Ahem, may I give you 2006 when Oral Roberts upset Kansas in Lawrence?

But keep that Beach Boys music off the team plane, Golden Hurricane. Coach Wojcik doesn’t like warming up to The Beach Boys in the Reynolds Center and he damn well doesn’t want it on Southwest Flight 6969 (ha ha) out of Tulsa either.

Instead, reports say TU students will mix together a song called “Somebody Farted” to the tune of the Black Eyed Peas “Let’s Get It Started” and play it when Coach K and the Blue Devils run out. I didn’t really hear that. But maybe a thought, Golden Hurricane Fan?

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Business on the sides. Party up top

Business on the sides. Party up top

# Coach Name School Age Conf. Compensation Contract
1 Bob Stoops Oklahoma 48 Big 12 $6,500,000
2 Mack Brown Texas 57 Big 12 $2,910,000
3 Gary Pinkel Missouri 56 Big 12 $2,500,000
4 Mark Mangino Kansas Big 12 $2,300,000
5 Mike Gundy Oklahoma St. 41 Big 12 $2,200,000
6 Bo Pelini Nebraska 41 Big 12 $1,851,000
7 Mike Sherman Texas A&M 54 Big 12 $1,800,000
8 Art Briles Baylor 53 Big 12 $1,800,000
9 Mike Leach Texas Tech 47 Big 12 $1,750,000
10 Paul Rhoads Iowa St. 41 Big 12 $1,150,000
11 Dan Hawkins Colorado 48 Big 12 $1,100,000
12 Bill Snyder Kansas St. 39 Big 12 $1,100,000

Above is a list of compensation for Big 12 coaches now, before Bob Stoops’ big-ass deal kicks in. This site actually has the contracts to read which is pretty cool.

http://www.coacheshotseat.com/Big12CoachesSalariesContracts.htm

For instance, Gundy gets a $1000 bonus for finishing the non-conference unbeaten. And he gets a $2000 bonus for beating Nebraska. $10,000 for a Big 12 Title.

And (drum roll) a $500,000 bonus for winning a NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!! (However, in the contract it doesn’t specify a BCS title versus an AP title but I’m sure that bridge will be crossed when they come to it)

Watch out Paul Mitchell. If the Pokes win a national title, you can’t MAKE enough gel and styling product to satisfy Gundy. He’s be bathing in it, cooking fried chicken in it, greasing his kids before he sends them down the slide in his new 4-story playground.

We can dream.

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"Y Tu Mama, Tambien" star is "asi asi" on Minnesota

Thunder GM Sam Presti wasn’t wooed by the dreamboat Spaniard Ricky Rubio. And thank God for that. The Thunder picked Arizona State’s James Harden … who it seems will actually agree to PLAY for the team that drafted him.

Not Rubio. He’s “asi asi” on heading to Minnesota. And his team in Spain has a multi-million dollar buyout to retain Rubio’s services. So why would ANYONE draft this prick?

Now the Thunder have a rad nucleus of Durant, Westbrook and Harden. All in their teens or early 20s, all great talents. My only fear is the Thunder will become the Expos of the early 90s – select great talent in the draft, cultivate them into stars and watch them blossom with larger market teams.

Anyway, welcome to Oklahoma James Harden. Might I recommend Johnnie’s for your first burger? But when the family flies in to see a game, avoid the Habana.

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This is genius. A montage of great press conference clips with a contribution from Mike Van Grundy’s meltdown.

I’d have like Gundy to have a more prominent role, mayb eserve as a hype man or something. His rant deserved much more play than even Jim Mora’s because it was so angry and had so much flow … kind of like Eminem.

Based on this though, if Iverson made an album I might buy it.

Noted omission: James Hale asking Stoops about his pre-lunch workout before asking hard-hitting questions (“Coach, did you think your guys would be THIS good?”) prior to a typical OU Press Conference.

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Who owns a college baseball video game?

Who owns a college baseball video game?

Texas and LSU plays for the CWS title game tonight. And I’m rooting for LSU. Only because Texas insists on having its state flag on its GD baseball cap.

We get it. You are PROUD to be from Texas. What is OU put its blue state flag on its maroon cap. It would match about as well.

Let Texas secede. Then maybe we could buy weed there. Not that I smoke weed. I only sniff glue since 2002.

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Ryan Minor gets only texts from Kelvin, no calls

Ryan Minor gets only texts from Kelvin, no calls

Ryan Minor always struck me as the guy who, after his professional playing days, would go back to the farm in Hammon, Okla. and (a la Brett Favre) play catch with the high school kids and spend dewey mornings riding his lawnmover over the vast expanse of land he bought with his professional athletic riches.

Instead, Minor is coaching the Orioles Single A Delmarva Shorebirds nestled somewhere in gawd-awful syphillis-infected Maryland.

From the Baltimore Sun:

But Ryan Minor, the man who replaced Cal Ripken Jr. on Sept. 20, 1998, and ended his consecutive-games streak at 2,632, is at peace with his place in baseball history, even if it comes up while he’s eating dinner on the road.

“You hear that question asked a ton,” Minor says as he sits in the dugout of his employer, the Single-A Delmarva Shorebirds. “And people don’t even realize you’re sitting there and you’re the guy that played that night. So that’s neat.”

After bedding dozens of OU co-eds, Minor married a local girl. And Delmarva is really the only place he had a great professional baseball season: .307, 24HR, 97 RBI. In fact, there’s a banner in Delmarva in his honor.

Good for Ryan Minor. Had he come back to Oklahoma, he’d be the guy selling insurance that had all the potential in the world, in both baseball and basketball, and never panned out as a pro. In Maryland, he’s in the Delmarva Shorebird Hall of Fame and the answer to a cool trivia question.

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