Lock up your daughters, Cowboy Caravan is in town

Fans can touch Mike Gundy's hair for a $5 donation.

Mike Gundy will entice the men and woo the women during the Cowboy Caravan that rolls into Tulsa tonight.

Ladies, bring your drip pan and place it under your seat. Because this man will get you wet with excitement about Cowboy football.

The annual Cowboy Caravan, featuring Oklahoma State football coach Mike Gundy, is set for Friday at Tulsa’s Renaissance Hotel.

From the Tulsa World:

Doors open at 5:30 p.m. and the program starts at 6:30. The Pistol Pete mascot and members of the spirit squad also will attend the event.

Admission is $10. Children 12 and under are admitted free. Appetizers will be served and a cash bar is available.

If you like cliches, monotone speeches and a catatonic personality, grab your most obnoxious orange shirt and watch Gundy whip you into a fan frenzy!

Vidal Sassoon is sponsoring the event.

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Gundy refuses to smile and/or be interesting

Mike Gundy and his hair are certainly the Odd Couple. Like “Lethal Weapon.” The hair is Mel Gibson … crazy, rowdy, shoving a revolver in his throat, breaking the rules and pounding dames. Below the forehead is Danny Glover … staid, by-the-book, always expressing an “I’m too old for this shit” look.

See if you can get through three minutes of Gundy being boring with Newsok’s Berry Tramel.

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Gundy says OSU will beat Texas … someday

Mike Gundy shook up Big 12 Media Day on Tuesday saying he hopes the Cowboys win every game.

Then he dropped this bon mot, when asked if OSU will/can ever beat Texas.

Gundy said, “Yeah, eventually. If you keep playing them, the percentages are in your favor. But you know they’ve had a lot of success against a lot of people.”

That’s what people who play the lottery and guys who look to score on Craiglist say. It’ll happen … someday. And Howdy Dowdy’s wooden balls will someday become petrified wooden balls. And someday archeologists will dig up Mike Holder’s body and discover the fossil of an angry gremlin in his body cavity where the heart was supposed to be.

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Gundy raping Big 12 Media Days in orange paisley

Aside from almost siding with Dez Bryant for not accepting any mild rookie hazing at Dallas Cowboy camp (“He won’t be intimidated,” said Gundy. Uh … is that why he obviously didn’t listen to you in Stillwater?), Mike Gundy just bent over every other Big 12 coach in the style department. Orange paisley tie? Check. Hankerchief? Check. The Lettuce? Double check.

Bo Pelini looked like a substitute teacher in his mock turtle neck and Paul Rhoads looked the deacon at your grandpa’s church. Then Gundy strolls in and weakens the knees of the media, gel glistening, gold chain dangling …

It’ll be interesting to see what Gundy does in the Victor Johnson case. How much marijuana is circulating throughout Stillwater? Bowling, Marshall Moses, Johnson … and those are just the one’s we know about it.

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OSU is taking who to Big 12 Media days?

Jamie Blatnick gets ID'd in his own house.

Here is who Oklahoma State is taking to Big 12 Media Days:
-Brandon Weeden
-Orie Lemon
-Jamie Blatnick

Translation:
-A guy who played one half last year
-A guy who didn’t play at all last year.
-A guy who played half of the snaps last year.

Weeden is a no brainer, of course. So is Orie Lemon. And Jamie Blatnick is All-Academic Big 12 so he’s presumably articulate. Is Oklahoma State trying to eliminate any questions about the 2009 season by bringing players who didn’t PLAY in the 2009 season? But I guess who else would they take.

Vegas odds are 3-1 that Gundy wears a pinstripe suit.

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Dez Bryant signs, OSU has no good players

Great move by Dez Bryant to get his contract signed and join the Cowboys in time for the start of camp. Holding out is a recipe for disaster for any rookie in terms of quality of play the first year (see: Crabtree, Michael). Dez may not be on the Mensa waiting list but he or his posse now knows you’ll get farther playing the game rather than trying to change the rules to earn your mad props. Plus, he’s a got a car payment to make.

Speaking of Dez and Zac Robinson (who also signed with the Patriots), remember when Oklahoma State had good players? There is not ONE Cowboy on the Big 12 pre-season first team. Not even Kendall Hunter. Then again, not one of the kids on Hickory would have been All-State and they beat the team with all those black kids. Okay, Jimmy Chitwood would probably be honorable mention. So this year’s Cowboy team is like the team in Hoosiers. I’ll be waiting for Holgorsen to stumble onto the field drunk against Washington State because Hubert Anyiam didn’t break off his pass route correctly. Then Gundy has a tongueless kiss by the barn with a political science teacher and slaps his leather satchel on his thigh after each bad play. Then Bill Young has a heart attack and can’t coach the big game and then Weeden – on a fourth and goal – tells Gundy in reference to a QB sneak, “I’ll make it” and the trumpets play and the Cowboys win.

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Will OSU really finish 5th in the Big 12 South?

Seriously, fifth in the Big 12 South? And a low 5th, too. The Cowboys couldn’t sniff fourth place in the media poll. Here’s how I figure it. Texas A&M and Oklahoma State will finish with the same conference record and the Cowboys – playing at home – will win the head-to-head on Thursday night on ESPN on Sept. 30.

Here’s the conference schedules of the competing schools and my knowledgeless estimation of how the game will go.

Texas A&M
-at OSU – LOSS
-Missouri – WIN
-at Kansas – WIN
-Texas Tech – WIN
-Oklahoma – LOSS
-at Baylor – WIN
-Nebraska – LOSS
-at Texas – LOSS
That’s a 4-4 record … and assuming they beat Tech and win in Lawrence.

Now OSU
-Texas A&M – WIN
-at Texas Tech – LOSS
-Nebraska – LOSS
-at Kansas State – WIN
-Baylor – WIN
-at Texas – LOSS
-at Kansas – WIN
-Oklahoma – LOSS
That’s 4-4 and that’s assuming a loss at Tech. The rub is the Kansas game. I have both squads winning there with a Jayhawk squad welcoming a new coach. So it looks like the battle for fourth rests in Lawrence.

Tech gets to play Iowa State and Colorado this year so they have an easy road to third.

(Note the OSU fan mentality that I’ve completely ruled out first or second. The Cowboys JUST started putting the conference title game on their school issued schedules whereas OU has put that game and date on theirs every year. Just saying …)

So I think the Pokes finish no lower than 4th in the Big 12 South. Everyone is cradling their scrotums over A&M. What have they done to deserve ANY notoriety? Jerrod Johnson is a poor man’s Quincy Carter and will intercept his way out of at least two conference wins this year.

July prediction for Oklahoma State: 8-4 … assuming they don’t crap the bed at Louisiana-Lafayette.

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Lady pulls a ‘Gundy’ at a local wedding

For my next impression, I’ll do Mike Gundy after reading the Daily Oklahoman.

Like there’s not enough to write about with OSU being picked to finish 5th in the Big 12 by the media, I have to post boner and puke videos. A real journalist, right here.

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You and your Johnson

I bet this above video makes Gundy think of those steamy 80s nights on Lake Thunderbird … skipping rocks and tossing his mullet over his shoulder … dreaming of leading the Cowboys to a Holiday Bowl win.

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Les Miles breaks down the oil spill in the gulf

I don’t expect college football coaches to be able to orate like Obama or decipher complex international situations like Kissinger. But geez, the oil spill happened in Les Miles’ state. And he has nothing better than this to say?

Perhaps this question didn’t give Miles an opportunity to lie so he couldn’t articulate his feelings. Because that’s when Les is at his best: when he’s being less than truthful.

Gundy would have called BP garbage, the new cap garbage and said the whole situation makes him wanna puke.

Courtesy: Barstool Sports

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