Sucks to be Cleveland

I made a point to tune in last night and watch my favorite NBA team …. which is any team that plays the Miami Heat. Cleveland did its best to boo Lebron James and make signs with humorous acroynms and puns in relation to King James and Witness. Then you look up and the Cavs are down by 30.

One cool thing: I didn’t realize Joey Graham was starting for Cleveland. I lost track of him once he played in Toronto. Meanwhile Jameson Curry is said to still be regretting his decision to leave OSU after his junior year while slipping on his Springfield Armor jersey.

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Kermit The Frog pulling a Gus Johnston

Kermit the Frog calling a buzzer beater in some girls high school game.

I’m totally stealing this observation from Barstool Sports. But when I pictured Kermit wearing headphones, sitting next to an awestruck Fozie Bear, tears literally came to my eyes. Let’s hope Gonzo doesn’t fuck up the post-game interview, pull a Jim Gray and ask the girl who hit the shot why she just won’t admit she cheated on her math test that afternoon.

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Some OU fans celebrate a Bedlam win in a different way

Couldn’t figure out how to post this video. But it’s priceless. Miss Shmeco is undoubtedly Sooner Born and Sooner Bred. And fat she’ll die Sooner Dead.

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Movies cliches vs. sports cliches

Aside from “We’ve got company” and “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” and “You look like shit” (said to the sullen protagonist around the end of Act II), the biggest movie cliche is the Mirror Gag: designed to make an audience jump … never accounting for a character’s inate ability to sense a being (living or dead) in the room. I’ll be honest. I’ve defecated the occassional Underdoo to the Mirror Gag. But it’s becoming as played as “One game at a time …”

So which is worse? Movie cliches? Or sports cliches?

I’ve got to go with sports cliches having once covered sports for a (meager) living. A throng of media funnel into a press room, focus their cameras, wind their handheld recorders, sharpen their pencils, set their phasers to stun … all to hear some coach or player condescend to the entire group and give vague, uninteresting information. Media members will breathlessly transcribe generic and trite observations by said player or coach … not realizing that if they referenced their notes from the previous week, they wouldn’t be much different. Then if said coach or player shows a modicum of humanity in making a joke or self-deprecating remark, the entire media room roars with laughter like a 1982 Richard Pryor is playing Madison Square Garden. If that same remark was said before the press conference, no one would laugh. But since an athlete or coach said it … well, it’s “Blazing Saddles” times infiniti.

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OSU baseball team being vaguely annoying

I’m not sure what to make of this video so I’ll just post it. It’s not like I’m contributing much else in terms of discourse in the massive butthole that is the blogosphere.

I feel like the less I blog about the OSU football team the better they play so … thanks.

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Charles Clinton is slaying LinkedIn, proclaims self ‘Multimedia Specialist’

My favorite carbon-based life form Charles Clinton is on LinkedIn. The same Charles Clinton who delivered the above reporting montage and is currently shopping his audition tape to small markets.

A few highlights:
-Charlies has most recently worked counting people for the Census Bureau. Can you imagine if he knocked on your door, climbing in your window and snatching your people up … to count them. “Hey GUYS! Open the door … GUYS! I need a head count … GUYS!”
-Charlies recently worked for a limosuine company, helping market the enterprise to seniors who’ve waited 18 years to puke in a town car and sweaty, hairy-chested guys named Maury who want to hire a working girl and catch a BJ on the way home from Atlantic City after a big night at the craps table.
-His profile picture

God bless, Charles Clinton. And God Bless America.

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Bo Pelini has a relative across the pond?

You could hit every state fair in the Central time zone and not see a grill like this. After seeing this guy, George Foreman changed the name of his product to Hot Slanted Metal. Whenever this guy and Bo Pelini walk into a convienence store, the packs of gum run and hide.

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Why can’t Tulsa get with the Thunder?

Last night’s Thunder exhibition at the BOK in Tulsa (in a losing effort to Memphis) continued this city’s odd relationship with an NBA team that’s 90 minutes away but Tulsa doesn’t care about.

I actually went to the game and – while the paid attendance was north of 11,000 – I’d wager half of that number was in the concourse stuffing their collective face with chicken strips. When the lights came down for the pre-game introductions, Russell Westbrook and Jeff Green received tepid applause. And when Kevin Durant was announced, you’d thought the PA announcer had declared a Dodge Neon has its light on in the southwest parking lot.

So what’s NOT to like about the Thunder? They’re talented, they play as a team, they’re now successful, there are no prima donnas. And they have one of the top 3 players in the world right now. Repeating, one of the top 3 basketball players in the world was in Tulsa last night.

I have to believe some of this Thunder apathy dates back to the team’s decision to call the franchise the Oklahoma City Thunder rather than the Oklahoma Thunder. If that’s really the reason, I don’t know what to say. To not root for a team out of spite is more than childish. Rather than embrace an NBA Playoff team in this state, most Tulsans would rather strategize on bringing the Olympics to Green Country or rounding up a bunch of non-lesbians to see a Tulsa Shock game.

The Tulsa World barely pays attention to the Thunder mid-season. They might send John Klein to OKC to nap through a game and stink up the media bathroom and henpeck a column rife with obvious observations. But no features … unless the team is playing in Tulsa. And definitely no beat reporter. But for fuck’s safe, let me know what is happening at Fair Meadows or I’ll cancel my subscription.

The Dallas Cowboys are named for the city of Dallas. But the entire state of Texas (and most of it still) was devoted to the team for 50 years. I’d wager 75% of Oklahoma Sooner fans didn’t even take a coorespondence course with the actual university. Maybe its a generational thing. Our children’s children will cheer on the Thunder in Tulsa while they drive around in their flying cars and pork women in virtual reality booths.

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Dez Bryant is $55k poorer thanks to the appetizers

Dez fleeing his $55K restaurant tab

My dad always said, shaking his head when the bill came: It’s the drinks and appetizers that add up. (wipes brow, adjusts crotch)

Perhaps Dez Bryant said that when several Dallas Cowboys stuck him with a $55K dinner tab.

I don’t care if I have enough money where I’m using gold bullion for an ottoman, I’ll never be able to get with high-priced dinners. I paid $150 for a steak once in Vegas. And it wasn’t much better than the Outback special. The guy asked me if I wanted mushrooms on my steak. Thinking it was like A-1 or ketchup – just a condiment or a free side – I said sure. He never mentioned it’d be an additional $30. That especially hurt when I shoved all said mushrooms off my steak because they tasted like panther piss.

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Jersey Shore meets ESPN News

Check out Joe Pequeno from a TV station in Phoenix. The man who coined the term “Hasta La Bye Bye.” He’s part hype man, part sportsbroadcaster, part ‘guy who hits on your girlfriend right in front of you.’

Something tells me Joe would be right at home in this car.

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