Gundy, Hair: Best in the Big 12

Mike Gundy. Big 12 Coach of the Year. The man who did LESS coaching this year by hiring an offensive coordinator is honored for his coaching. Well done, Mike. Most Poke fans had zero enthusiasm about the 2010 season. And you made it one to remember. To be frank, it wasn’t the best year for your hair. You kept the lettuce tight most of the fall. But you let the gold chain dangle and rocked the pleated pants with the rhinestone belt. So you’re still my fashion hero.

Who voted for Mike Sherman? Texas A&M finished exactly where they were supposed to. (Some people had them winning the Big 12). And he had to bench his Preseason Player of the Year. And he has tits. Give those votes to Gundy. That’s why he doesn’t read the newspaper, Mr. Media. Because its garbage. And the people who voted for Mike Sherman are garbage. Makes him wanna puke.

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Inside Mike Gundy’s head … along with stray gel

Given the post-game comments from Mike Gundy after the Bedlam game, he sounds like he knows the 2010 Pokes were lucky to finish 10-2. The whole “we didn’t blow an opportunity but we didn’t take advantage of an opportunity” head game … genius! Gundy knew what he had. And he knew his money maker (Blackmon) was hurt. This is Pollyanna but if you’d have told me before the season began that O-State would finish 10-2 and beat Texas … I’d have offered to buy Coach Gundy all eight seasons of “Walker Texas Ranger” on DVD.

Maybe that’s why an unautographed picture of him is only selling for $2.99 on eBay.

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Bedlam Reflections

Reflections from the heart-wrenching, soul-crushing, nut-twisting game from the relatively cheap seats of Boone Pickens Stadium:

-Whoever does Erin Andrews hair deserves a 11X18 mural devoted to him/her at the Vidal Sassoon hair academy or whatever the Hall of Fame is for hair dressers. She’s got to have extensions, right? But who cares? And did you see her chat up all the highway patrol dorks on the sidelines? What a genuine person! Giving a whole new meaning to wielding a baton.
-Big internal laughs from me when – after Burns Hargis’ wife did 3 push-ups after the Cowboys kicked a field goal to make it 7-3 – she was interviewed about some Get Fit Oklahoma promotion. The reporter? Robert Allen. That’s like Strom Thurmond interviewing a civil rights activist.
-The batted ball interception by Brodrick Brown looked better in person. One of the most exceptional plays I’ve ever seen.
-It’d be a waste of internet ink to moan about Oklahoma’s third-down conversion rate. Nothing I can say here would contribute to the conversation. But it was like you couldn’t get excited after a stop for no-gain on first down and an incomplete pass on second down. Because you KNEW the Sooners would pick up the third down. And they seemed to be using OSU’s weapon of choice … finding an underneath receiver in space.
-Brandon Weeden – facing third and long – seemed to check down to the receiver 3 yards down the field way too much.
-The people next to me (thankfully) left after OU went up 33-24. Then these two creeps, who make Todd and Margo in “Christmas Vacation” look like the Clampetts, missed the most exciting fourth quarter of the season. Sure, it was heart-breaking. But that 90+ seconds with four touchdowns was like my prom night: 90 seconds of bliss that prematurely ended with pangs of self-doubt and abject humiliation.

The solace: OSU probably would have lost in the Big 12 title game. Especially with Justin Blackmon dinged up, Brandon Weeden limping around the sidelines and Robert Allen stinking up the team bus on the way to Dallas. But it would have been a fun experience.

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Random Thoughts to make up for lack of productivity

-Could T.Boone get his Big 12 Championship before he’s a rotting carcas? You know the old man made a deal with God. That’s the only way a program as cursed as Oklahoma State could be in this position.

God:, “You can have the conference title, but I want the soul of Mike Holder.”
T.Boone: “Deal. He’s probably going to hell anyway. What do you want for a national championship?”
God (chuckles): “Get real. We’re still talking about Oklahoma State, right? You’ll take your Big 12 Title and you’ll like it.” (*unpauses “Glee” from the DVR*)

Of course, instead of reveling in the Cowboys gridiron success, T.Boone is making the media rounds promoting legislation to require cross-country trucks to be powered by natural gas. You want natural gas? (*Author regresses in maturity 15 years, leans over and farts*)

-I’m appreciative that Oklahoma State is frequently on television. But Fox Sports has to work on that ticker. I know I’m watching a Big 12 game. But I don’t need to see the Kansas State-Iowa State score 37 times in five minutes. There’s a slim chance I might be interested in some other scores around the country. I have diaper money running on the Holy Cross over/under.

-Two things I’ve been correct about this season: Jerrod Johnson was over-rated. And Oklahoma State would be much better than pundits (a name that’s never used affectionately for some reason) said they’d be.

-This column by Dave Sittler is one of the best things I’ve read in awhile. In terms of interesting information. These comments by Gundy explain so much as to why he didn’t insert Brandon Weeden into the Bedlam game, despite the fact that Zac Robinson was playing like the wheelchair kid in “Glee.” (*that’s twice I’ve admitted my gayness*). If OSU wasn’t having such a good season and Gundy wasn’t in line to be Big 12 Coach of the Year, I’d be pretty pissed about that move. The Cowboys could have had a chance in the 09 Bedlam game if they’d had ANY offensive attack. And a spot in the Fiesta Bowl. But Gundy kept an injured Robinson in the game because he didn’t like the way Weeden practiced. Despite the fact the 27-year-old (*did you know that Weeden is older than his peers? I just heard!*) could throw a 15-yard-out better than 50% of NFL quarterbacks. Just saying.

-Oklahoma State is a 22-point favorite at Kansas. If I hadn’t lost my shirt and diaper money last week, I’d probably take the Jayhawks. But then again, the Pokes have proved Vegas wrong in every game this year except Troy and Nebraska.

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Gundy, circa 2009, popularized muffin top, flair hair trend

Gundy rocking the 'flair hair' look

Who knew Mike Gundy would set the trends on the coast? According to Gawker, “flair hair” – where spiked hair flows out of a visor – is the new Snuggie meets Beanie Babies. All the kids are doing it. And guess what? Gundy rocked this look LAST YEAR!

Unfortunately, the lettuce has been underperforming in 2010. Way too tight for my taste. Hopefully Gundy will get the message that this is the cool thing to do now and he’ll grow out the spiked lettuce. But I know that’s not Gundy’s way. He always stays ahead of the trends. I’m expecting the gold chain and pleated grey slacks to make a comeback in 2011.

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I wish Justin Blackmon was my dad

Justin Blackmon is completely fine in my book. Sure he probably deserved his one-game suspension. But when a 20-year-old college kid finds out that an former OSU players (please, its Dez Bryant) left tickets to a Monday Night Football game at the new Texas Stadium, you’re going. And if you don’t you’re a nerd or Keiton Page or worse. That’s what college kids do: make bad decisions. And to Blackmon’s credit, the Barney Fifes that pulled him over didn’t even give him a Breathlyzer because there was nothing besides the faint scent of an $11 beer Blackmon drank 4 hours ago. But because he’s 20 … DUI!!!! Call for backup!!!!!

But instead of running from his problems and trying to pawn them off on someone else, Blackmon completely owned up. Whereas the person who left the tickets for Blackmon ruined the 2009 campaign, lied and then left campus mid-season to work out in Florida.

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Gundy joins a slapstick Omaha radio station

A pair of radio dorks in Omaha had a fake Mike Gundy call in to discuss the OSU-Nebraska game this week. For the most part this is pretty funny. I’m more interested in other markets’ impression of who Mike Gundy is. The guy in this clip has the voice dead to rights. The Clint Eastwood gravel meets Midwest City twang. By and large, Gundy is a pretty generic character. He never really says anything particularily interesting or thought provoking. If it wasn’t for his hair and gold chain, you’d be hard pressed to pick him out of a police line-up with the guy who changes your oil. But these guys were able to pick up on the Gundy cadence and random, sporatic anger and create a fairly good character … along with a liberal use of ‘makes me wanna puke.’

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Vegas hates OSU, Farting Cat likes the Cowboys plus 5.5

Unlike the 2009 season, Vegas is consistently picking against Oklahoma State and/or giving them low point spreads. And aside from the Troy game, the Cowboys have raped their picks

Washington State – 17pt favorite (COVERED)
Troy – 14pt favorite (WEEDEN NEARLY FUMBLED GAME AWAY – NO COVER)
Tulsa – 7pt favorite (COVERED LIKE ME ON YOUR MOM)
Texas A&M – 3pt favorite (PUSH – AGAIN, LIKE ME ON YOUR MOM)
Louisiana-Lafayette – 22pt favorite (COVERED)
Texas Tech – 3 1/2 pt underdog (BEAT THE SPREAD)

Now OSU is a 5.5-6 point underdog to Nebraska at home. Am I wrong in wanting to wager my savings ($178) on the Pokes in this one? What am I missing? Who has Nebraska beaten? If their jerseys said IOWA STATE on the front and not Nebraska – with everything being the same – Oklahoma State would be a 3 point favorite. For whatever reason, the name “Nebraska” still holds a lot of weight. Much like John Klein.

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Gundy not surprised by 6-0 start. Also wouldn’t be shocked if he saw a unicorn porking a centaur

Mike Gundy claims he’s not especially surprised at the Cowboys’ 6-0 start. So you’re saying if someone grabbed Gundy by the gold chain after the loss in the Cotton Bowl and said, “Hey Mike. Nice hair. And in 2010, you’ll win your first six games” … that he wouldn’t be surprised. Where are we at in society today … when a coach just can’t admit he had no idea Justin Blackmon would become an NFL ready running back and that Brandon Weeden could play at a high Division I level, despite the fact he likes sushi.

From Gundy’s weekly teleconference:

“I was fairly confident that the new players we had that were going to compete for us this season had been in practices and been on the bus and been on airplanes with football teams that had won a lot of games in the last three years and had competed in big games and had found a way to be successful,” Gundy said in a teleconference Monday morning. “We just didn’t have any evidence of that because we had so many new players that are competing. But they’d still been in the program and (were) very stable, very disciplined, very structured.

Except for that whole Jamie Blatnik thing.

I know Gundy’s not trying to be coy or ironic. Because he doesn’t know what those words mean and he’s never employed either mode of communication. But just sit back and say, “Yeah, this whole season’s like the end of a good ‘Walker Texas Ranger’ episode. Just a big suprise. A nice, big surprise.”

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Gundy frontrunner for Big 12 Coach Of the Year?

So Gundy has to be the front runner for Big 12 Coach of the Year, right? And a black man would be president and people would be into vampires? And the Coreys would not be movie stars? Yeah, right to all, correct?

Gundy’s best moves are now what he DOESN’T do. Like calls plays. Or make love to his clipboard while his defense is on the field. He’s hired and recruited the right people. And let his hair do its magic. Spike, wink at the mirror, spike again, adjust the gold chain and repeat. Then slay opponents.

You can’t evaluate the mettle of a team before a conference road win. After beating Tech this weekend in Lubbock, it’d hard to not call these 2010 Cowboys legit. Like the 2000 Sooners, these Pokes don’t have first round NFL draft talent and their quarterback is kind of goofy. But they win games and make halftime adjustments and finish drives.

I was fully prepared for the Pokes to be 3-3 right now. Now I’m bracing for the inevitable Cowboy Collapse that rapes you when you’re not looking. Oklahoma State is a 6-point underdog AT HOME to Nebraska, a team with an even more tragically unhip coach than the Gundy. Bo Pelini will go through 3,800 packs of Juicy Fruit between now and kick off and he still won’t be able to stop Dana’s offensive attack.

I’m declaring this Saturday the battle of the gold chains. Gundy’s gold chains versus that sweatshirt/gold chain combo of Bo Pelini. Who you got?

Oklahoma State 35
Nebraska 32

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